garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
