Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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