My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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