High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
