Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
