My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
