HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
