I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
how does that bad decision feel?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Help. Why am I so naked?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
