she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
