Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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