u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
