i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
