Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
