i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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