And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
