So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
