i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
