so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
