Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
