I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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