Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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