i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Quick, to the slutcave!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
