i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
