So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
