Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
