Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
