wrigley field is MILF paradise
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
