my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
