she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
