eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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