Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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