So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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