Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
