Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
