Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sorry about my life...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize