Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize