Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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