My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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