On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
