So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
