Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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