yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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