I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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