turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
