God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
