Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
