Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.

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(631): View more from New York

Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"

(631): View more from New York

I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...

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(612): View more from Minnesota

No subtext here. People are naked.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.

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(518): View more from New York

They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.

(1-518): View more from New York

Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.

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