he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
