Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
