I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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