I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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