Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
