id be glad to
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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