Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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