Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
