kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Congratulations! We have a period
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