i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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