Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
