haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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