The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
40s are totally the cure
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
