you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize