Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
