Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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