do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
