What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
