Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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