I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
