billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
